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Culled from Stephen Covey’s The Seven habits of Highly Effective People,
Adapted and Presented by DZENYAGHA NNAM-MBI (Mrs.)
English Teacher, Yaounde.
The Aghem clan is so blessed that many non-natives would readily give up everything to become natives of this cosmopolitan, matrilineal clan. The Aghem clan is biologically tied up that any person in his/her good wits would think twice if harm against his kin ever crossed his/her mind. All Aghems are related, blood relations and hence they are one and are supposed to work for the common good of their clan. For the Aghem people to remain united, to progress, and for them to shine as a positive example of the matrilineal system, (also practiced in the Southern parts of Zaire, the Ashanti kingdom of Ghana, and in other sister villages like kom, Buh, and Mmeng) they must become highly effective in thought and deed.
I am presenting “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey. For us to be highly effective, we need a balance of high character and high competence. As we balance these two elements, we build our personal trustworthiness and our trust with other people. This builds on private and public victories. By private victories, we learn self-mastery and self-discipline. By public victories we build deep, trusting, lasting, highly and effective relationships with other people.
These victories can easily be achieved when we readily practise paradigm shifts. This has to do with our acceptance to see from others’ lenses, from the point of view of others. We have to learn to perceive, understand, and interpret our world from other people’s perspectives. This is paradigm shift. When we do this we build trust, we work on our Emotional Bank Accounts. (A metaphor for trust that exist in a relationship.) Every interaction you have with someone can be classified as either a deposit or a withdrawal. How many deposits, withdrawals do we make in our professional, emotional, administrative, etc relations? We will carry out a discussion of Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People in order that our joint efforts would make the Aghem clan the envied of the world.
Habit One
Be Proactive.
This is the habit of personal vision.
We are responsible for the choices we make in life. We have the freedom to choose, to say yes, or no to any situation. Each one of us here is responsible for his/her behaviour and for the choices we make in life.
When we are proactive, we can expand our personal freedom and influence people and situations. The key processes of proactive behaviour lie in the following;
a- Our ability to recognize reactive tendencies and developing proactive responses to them. For example, the things told to us by people about other people, and other gossips. What is usually our reaction to these?
b- Our ability to increase our circles of influence and making good use of the opportunities at our disposal to make deposits in other people’s emotional bank accounts, which increases the trust and makes firm our mutual relationships.
c- Our being able to act as transition figures: being able to recognize reactive tendencies in people and stopping the transmission of such to others.
Proactive people respond according to values, not according to religious, emotional, professional, etc lives. Proactive people do not let others’ weaknesses, and emotions determine their decisions. Proactive people do not blame their attitudes, failures on other people, nor on situations. They are the direct opposite of reactive individuals who are controlled by outside influence, by their moods, feelings, and other circumstances beyond their control. A proactive person must be able to distinguish between stimulus and response, that is, the ability to stop, think, evaluate, before reacting to any situation. He/ she must respect the “Time and Space Values” between stimulus and response. For example, what is our reaction to many of the things, gossips criticisms, petitions we hear daily about ourselves? Do we ever stop to think, to evaluate, have we ever tried to think of a possible reason why somebody said something
“negative about us” We always react, “ Fire Back” with an even greater intensity, and regrets always come at the end when the situation can no longer be repaid. Aghem people are noted for petition writing. It is like our identity. No sooner is an Aghem son, or daughter appointed to a post of responsibility than we start all reactive and negative write-ups about him or her.
Proactive choice of attitude is the last of human freedoms. For example, the Jewish Viktor Frankl, held in Nazi concentration camps was determined that everything could be taken from him, that his flesh could be hurt, but that the only thing no one could ever deprive him of was his choice of human freedom, the freedom to choose his own way of life. He remained and died a happy prisoner. To conclude this habit we can say that the choice to be proactive or reactive is personal
Habit TWO
Begin With the End in Mind.
This is the Habit of Personal Leadership.
Mental creation proceeds physical creation: a thought, a plan, a perception, a motive, etc. This habit centers on choosing a life center, a personal mission statement. This habit requires deep reflection about what we intend to do. There are questions to ask always: Do our mission statements bring out the best in us? Do they challenge and motivate us? Are we stirred in the right direction? , etc. Our clan has many problems, there are also many exciting potentials. What do we do to better our lot? Many Aghem sons and daughters are teachers today. As teachers, there are many openings and our sons and daughters can get into other fields after obtaining the teaching certificates. The problem with us is that we do not see the goodness in anything that is done or achieved by our children. All we do is criticize. How many top Aghem administrators have put a young man /woman where? All we do is black mail, denounce, and
offer no good alternatives.
The Aghem elite has always waited for the administrators to bring in positive change. These administrators have no magic wands to solutions. We are quick to denounce them when they fail to fulfill our aspirations; we also show our reactive tendencies as soon as we have a new administrator through gossip. What guides us? Is it our families? money? possessions? work?, friends?, etc The Aghem people need a mission statement. If we must build a positive image, forge our way forward in all spheres of life. What things do we want to have that are important? What are the qualities of characters we would like to emulate? What legacy do we want to leave? Do we want to be talked about negatively as we do of some sons and daughters who have gone off the stage? To each one of us, you are the programmer of your life,
Write this program,
Run this program.
Put First Things First.
This is the habit of personal management.
Things are not equally important, and we can never pretend, even with all good intentions to do everything at the same time. Some things are surely more important than others are, others are more urgent, and we learn to recognize those things that motivate us to act rightly, those things that move us in the right direction. Most of us indulge in petition writing, in negative criticism. We are so negative that we even criticize God for creating certain things and beings. Do we like our clan, our children? Are we proud about the things we do? Do we think our children and grandchildren will be proud to talk about us when we are gone?
The problem with us is that we prioritize our schedules, instead of scheduling our priorities. There are four quadrants in life:
Quadrant 1: This consists of things, which are both important and urgent. Theses include crisis, pressing problems, projects, preparation, fighting fires, etc. Things on the list here are few because quadrant two takes up the bulk
Quadrant 2: Here we have things which are not urgent, but which are very important. These things need pre proper planning. For example, planning meetings, preventing diseases and catastrophes, preventing strikes, relation building, true recreation, empowerment, educating people on vital issues of life, etc
Quadrant 3 deals with issues, which are not important, but very urgent. Here we think of interruptions during planning meetings, some telephone calls, some mails, reports, some meetings, and many popular activities, etc.
Quadrant 4: Things on the list of this quadrant are called time wasters because they are neither urgent nor important. These include irrelevant mails and phone calls, excessive TV watching, gossip, you name the rest.
In which quadrant do you spend the most of your time?
Why is most of the time that would have been spent in quadrant 2 spent on quadrant 1? Because we do not plan and, every activity is done at the nick of time, as an emergency. The trick to overcome this is that things, which matter most, must never be put at the mercy of things that matter least. The BIG ROCKS PRINCIPLE must be practiced.
Habit Four
Think Win win
This is the habit of interpersonal leadership.
In this habit, we are going to examine how personal victories have to generate a greater desire for public victories. This is accepting the third alternative, the destruction of selfish tendencies. In this situation, we accept that it is not my way, not your way, but a better way. How many of us think this way? The tendency for most of us is: “if it is not my way, then it is no way at all”. This habit teaches us to always seek the benefits of others, as well as our own benefits, to always seek for solutions that make the majority of the population satisfied in the most objective manner. The quest for mutual contribution, joint projects, objective management of people and resources is thinking win win. This means that we do not act according to what others would say or think, but according to values.
There are some people who never think that others could have anything good to offer, they want to be at the center of everything, and it is either their way or no way at all. These are the “win-lose” type of people. They want to achieve success at the expense of others. They would use their positions, power, credentials, relations, etc to get the win. This is negative and it is reactive behaviour. Stephen Covey, the writer of the Seven Habits says that one’s security comes from within and not from without.
Some people are the “lose-win” type. They lack self-confidence and shy away from making the good proposals that would benefit all people. They have very low esteem of themselves, no courage: they are full of complexes to express themselves and to act. This type of people are easily intimidated, they always seek to please those they consider “the better in decision making”. These people always grumble when wrong decisions are taken, when they did nothing to better the situation. For example, there are individuals who had brilliant ideas on how this convention ought to have been organized, they had occasion to contribute their positive points to the better organization, but never did. It would not be surprising if these very people would sit back to criticize and say things such as: “if it had been done this way… if this had not been done or said, the convention would have been perfect,”etc. This is a good
example of “lose-win” and a perfect example of what is not to be practiced.
Another group is what we shall term the “lose-lose” type. These individuals are full of envy, of bitter criticism and yet they have nothing better to offer. They have “minds which grow big” when someone is being appreciated or when someone has a better position. Think of petitions we have written and the destruction it has caused in Aghem. Think of positions, many good posts Aghem sons and daughters have missed or have lost because of our jealousy. “ Whose child is he? Why should it be he/she, why cannot I be the one to have the post, why should he/she be happy? etc even when we know fully well that we do not qualify for such posts or positions.
The “win” type wants to get what they want at the expense of everything with no consideration on whose toes they are stepping. To this class, others may win, but it should, be they first. These are self-centred individuals, and they play independence in situations when interdependence should rule. They are called the “ME FIRST”.
The “win –win” individual establishes high trust, honesty, integrity, and loyalty in everything he/she does. He/she develops self-awareness, goes for teamwork, creates joy, and makes for better results. The “win-win” person works according to the values of the projects, to be executed, displays a willingness to learn, and shares ideas. Let us work for “win –win” in order to build a strong and united clan.
Habit Five
Seek First to Understand, before Being Understood.
This is the habit of emphatic communication.
Emphatic listening has to do with listening with all your heart and soul, with an aim to proposing helpful solutions. Emphatic listeners show concern for people; genuine concern and they offer objective solutions. Do we ever listen to others? How often do we listen to someone express his/herself? Do we ever seek to understand others before trying to make ourselves understood? In most cases, we have ready solutions for everything that has to be asked, so much that no matter the situation we offer what we made up our minds about. Sometimes, we make up our minds before even asking someone’s opinion or advice, and no matter what advice is given to us, we do not change our minds. Emphatic listening is listening with our ears, eyes, heart and soul. Sometimes, emphatic listening is destroyed by our moods: we cannot just listen emphatically when we are in a bad mood. At other times, language barriers, noise, and lack of
attention, which comes from absent-mindedness, hamper it. Social positions also play a negative role, this makes the listener pretend to listen, and responses are often pre-determined.
Habit Six
Synergise
This is the habit of creative cooperation.
When we work together to see the values in others, it is synergy. Synergy creates victories, the celebration of differences. To synergise, we need to have a common sense of purpose, meaning, values, vision, etc. The fact that we are different is an advantage. When we synergise, we look at a problem together, we understand the need to work to create a mutually beneficial solution. Arrogance, pride, hostility, compromise, jealousy, self-interest, etc are blocks to synergy.
On the contrary, when we value and respect people’s differences, and see these as opportunities for learning, everyone contributes his/her talents, perspectives, to solve problems. For habit six to be effective, we should learn to tolerate, value the uniqueness in others, and celebrate others’ points of view. The excitement that we are different creates the difference.
Habit Seven
Sharpen the Saw.
This is the habit of renewal.
Every one of us should renew his/herself in the above value systems we have discussed. For the lamp to keep burning, we need to keep pouring oil into the tank. Sharpening the saw is physical, mental, social, and spiritual.
Physically, one has to be consistent in what one does, physical exercises help the mind and brain, and make you positive in the way in which you see your world and the people in it. We also need rest. A tired person is an irritated one and hence he/she can make many errors. He/she easily becomes very reactive. We need to be relaxed, stress has killed many a good relationship because once stressed, you are easily irritated and the tendency is to make more withdrawals than deposits in your emotional bank account.
Mentally, we have to refresh our minds by reading good literature. Seek to read inspirational books, not books that make you afraid or stressed. Keep away from you those things that pull your nerves and try being happy. Think positive, always know that there is something positive about you and practice pro-active behaviour.
Socially and emotionally, invest in fruitful friendship. Avoid exploitative friends because they are a vexation to your spirit. Take time to build your relations and make the most in deposits in your emotional bank account. Practice self-examination. Appreciate your actions and judge them. Do not be ashamed to say you are sorry to somebody you annoy. Being humble does not pain, on the contrary, it increases your honour, and makes rich your emotional bank account. Practice the “win-win” attitude. This will make you happy, confident, appreciated, and common goals will be pursued with greater success. It also pays to synergise. Try looking at the differences in others with a positive view. Celebrate people’s differences and avoid being neither a “win-lose”, nor a “win” or “lose” individual.
Spiritually, allocate time for deep meditation. Pray and read texts that uplift your spirituality. Take time off for retreats, get some time for yourself and have peaceful thoughts. Respect others, praise God for creating you and for choosing you as one of those who is capable of listening to and spreading the positive points of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
Thank You
Culled from Stephen Covey’s The Seven habits of Highly Effective People,
Adapted and Presented by DZENYAGHA NNAM-MBI (Mrs.)
English Teacher, Yaounde.
Nnammbi@yahoo.co.uk |
